Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
