In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
