just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
