This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
