Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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