I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Barsexuality is the new black.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Randomize
