Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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