She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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