I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
