my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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