so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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