The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
