I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
