I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
