so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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