who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
