could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
