Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
