This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize