I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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