i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can I color on your dick again?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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