I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
