"it" just moved
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
