If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
