Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
