My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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