He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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