i may or may not be watching the land before time
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
