it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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