All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
