Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
