Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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