YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
