I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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