kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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