96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
