I don't think brook has ever known best
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
