idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
