we have officially lost it.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
