I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
