What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
