I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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