Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
