I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
