I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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