first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
