your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
