What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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