on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
