sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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