I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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