is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize