my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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