My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
