I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
bring money and cleavage
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
