I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
