He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
