Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
