I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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