can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
