I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
