We named our party play list daddy issues
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
