whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
