I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
