DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
