And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize