Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
