Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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