i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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