if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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